A Thought in the middle of the night

It's 3:30am and I couldn't fall back to sleep because I had slept too much yesterday -- I didn't feel too well again. It could be some residual symptoms left from the illness which hit me earlier during the week. Since I'm home, I want to stay away from medication and that results in my lack of energy for pretty much anything.

3:30am -- I got on MSN and no one on my list was online.

I couldn't find anything better to do except browsing the web randomly until I clicked into my little cousin's xanga and something caught my eyes. Though my little cousin is only 18, his writing style is fairly unique and his passages are always interesting to read. When I was in HK, he and I had shared some pretty intellectual discussions and as usual, I enjoyed as much teasing him.

I am never someone who believes too much in horoscope or fortune telling readings. While my little cousin and I are both Aquarius, he wrote (or pasted from some websites) a passage about Aquarius, which I think is very interesting and somewhat accurate. He resembled Aquarius as carbonated water:

Carbonated water, which is colorless and tasteless, can make a perfect match with anything from alcohol to juice, to honey, to milk. Yet it's also because of its colorless and tasteless nature, it makes it quite difficult for others to see and understand what exactly is going on inside it.

Aquarius always tend to act cool and unemotional in front of the others but they are actually very friendly and warm to the ones close to them.

Sometimes you really don't know how you're as a person until you read something and rings your bell. I totally agree with the above description of Aquarius -- Well, it may not apply to every Aquarius, but I find it quite true for myself. Carbonated water is a perfect description because I never enjoy attention among a large group of people but I do like others to recognize my existence. I guess the key word here is "tend." I was being described as "stuck up" or "too cool" by at least 5 people in the past and to tell the truth, I was quite unhappy after hearing these words. I admit that sometimes I did try to "pretend" to be cool but I was never "intended" to act cool. Well, but maybe in others' eyes, there's really not a difference between "pretend and intend." V_V ...

However, it's true that once my door is opened, I can be very loving, caring and warm. I have always wanted to explain to these people that I am not like the way they have perceived me, but I just don't know how to convince them so I usually end up not saying a word. Maybe before I complain others of not understanding me, I should reconsider my own attitude towards others.

Almost 5am and I should try to sleep ... Start to count some sheep ZZzzZZZzzzz ....